You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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