I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
