Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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