yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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