I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
