I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
