Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
