I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
