whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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