I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
