My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
