He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
