Even water is tasting like jack daniels
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
