New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
