remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
