i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
