Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
