So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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