you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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