Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
