you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
