I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
