and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
