You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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