You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
