What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
