just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
