if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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