I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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