im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
