i think i have herpe
just one?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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