Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
