i would one night stand the shit outta him
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
