My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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