somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
