Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
