Do you still have your period?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize