People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The adults are the big ones right?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
