Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
