Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
