I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
