I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
