I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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