I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
