is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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