I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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