There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
