Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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