I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
