my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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