I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
