he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
