I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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