i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
