i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
